Just Be Still
14 He appointed twelve[a] that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach 15 and to have authority to drive out demons. Mark 3: 14-15 NIV
“Mommy has ‘shiny object’ syndrome,” I explained to my seven-year-old daughter the other day as we discussed spending money.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
I was being flippant, but it’s hard to explain to your child why you can’t buy the extra things. In fact, it’s hard to explain to anyone why you can’t pay for the extras, take a vacation, afford school lunches, or buy a brand-new pair of tennis shoes.
I retired from teaching with a treasure trove of skills. I could work for anyone, but I wanted to work for myself. I wanted to work from home so that I could set my own hours and my own rates and be available for my family. I wanted to be able to exercise more, attend bible studies, and do more volunteer work. I wanted to create a line of work for myself in which I could bring glory and honor to God.
Instead, I was chasing “shiny objects.” I took courses to further my skills, and I enjoyed all of them. I learned so much from each one, none were a waste. The fact is, though, I haven’t had a paycheck in over six months. None of the avenues I’ve pursued have panned out.
Yet, God continues to show up each and every day. Often, it’s in the most amazing ways. I am learning to trust God’s timing and to give things over to him. He gives me what I NEED each day. I enjoy sharing this experience and journey with so many.
“Then,” you may ask, “why don’t you just go out and get a job?”
I haven’t applied for a job, because what I’m doing doesn’t feel wrong. I feel as if I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. That path that I’m pursuing feels right.
Believe me, I’m the most anxious person you’ll ever meet when it comes to finances, yet I have a strange calm about what I’m doing. I’ve explored a number of opportunities before settling on my current status, and I’m still learning.
So, why do I still not have an income, and why do I still feel exhausted?
To put it simply: submission.
A member of my Bible study put it beautifully when she said, “We can say that we trust God, but it is so hard to truly surrender and submit.”
I mentioned earlier that I wanted to work for myself, set my own hours, and be available for my family. Technically, I am available for my family, but as soon as there’s “down time,” I’m working for me. I’m working to do all that I can to generate an income, and I’m exhausted.
And that’s where I’ve failed: I’m working for ME.
I DO believe that God has me where he wants me. I DO believe that he wants me to achieve all of the things that I’ve set out to do. I DO believe that he wants me to bring glory to him. But I’ve been working like I DON’T believe he’s capable of getting me to the point of accomplishing these things, and I’m drained.
How it must sadden God to hear me profess my love for him and proclaim my faith in his timing yet work as if only I can attain these goals. Instead of believing that he really does have it all worked out, I’ve been working myself to exhaustion as if bringing glory and honor to him depends on me.
Where did I EVER get that idea?
When Jesus appointed the twelve, he had two things in mind for them. Most certainly, he wanted them to go out into the world and preach the word and drive out demons. But first and foremost, he wanted them to be with him.
On most days, before I start working, I spend time in a Bible study or read my devotions, I pray, and then I get started. I talk to God a lot throughout the day, but do I really spend time being with him? Do I surrender my time and allow him to refresh and refill me? If I’m working for him, am I submitting to listening to him and receiving him? (Psalm 46:10)
To be honest, no. I’m horrible at stopping. I have the most difficult time being still. I am goal-oriented and persistent. I persevere until I have something accomplished.
But this is not just my path; it’s his path, and it’s not a race.
As with any good journey, one needs to be prepared with the proper supplies and direction. The only way to accomplish that is to be spending time with God receiving his direction and allowing him to supply me with everything I need to do his work.
I need to be still and just be with him.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for the opportunity to choose you every day. Time is short, and I’m anxious to get a start on each day, but I ask that you guide me to be still and to receive you and connect with you every day. You have my path figured out. No amount of rushing ahead on my part is going to change that, so please still me and help me to hear you.
In your most precious son’s name,
Amen
